hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
