The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize