called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
