DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
