If i come over, it means nothing
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
