this beer tastes like vomit already
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
