yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize