Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
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