yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
