All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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