im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
smell my finger.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
