I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
