dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
