i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
