Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
