my mouth tastes like poor choices
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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