took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize