they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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