Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
