But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
