Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
