I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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