just tell him i said nine months
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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