forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
