That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
