thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
