I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
