She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
They took my balls.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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