Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
