I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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