Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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