Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
