I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
