You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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