not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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