i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
