i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
