So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
