Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
