There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
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