VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
