I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
