dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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