i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize