Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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