maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
