Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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