Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
