My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
