I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
