like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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