You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
