we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
