The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
