Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
