I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
