Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
