Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
