They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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