I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
