too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
