Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
