Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
